I feel overwhelmed when I don’t know how to help myself. My brain is eager to help. It is smart enough to initially give me a balanced solution that will get me out of overwhelm through a small but meaningful action, but it then begins to override that balance and suggests two extremes:
- I want to run away.
- I want to rise above my limitation.
I spiral between these two extremes. I can’t breathe. I begin to tense. My body tells me I need to breathe and my body tells me I need to release tension.
I start to breathe shallow breaths. My critic tells me I need to breathe better. My critic starts telling me “You aren’t doing good enough if you’re only breathing into your neck. You should be doing more, doing better. You should be breathing deeper, ie. breathing in your neck AND in your belly.” I try to force deeper breathing. I can barely say out loud “I’m doing enough.”
I start to relax my body. My critic tells me I need to release better. My critic starts telling me “You aren’t doing good enough if you’re only relaxing your body. You should be doing more, doing better. You should be releasing more tension, ie. releasing tension in your body AND your face.” I try to force more relaxation. I can barely say out loud “I’m doing enough.”
How can I help myself if I don’t believe I am enough? How can I work with my critic to believe I am enough?
My therapist suggested that I have a conversation with my critic, so I wrote a letter.
