My friend, part of my inner circle, has a habit of turning momentary statements into lasting truths. If I say something like “I am not connected to my body” in a passing moment of concern, it often becomes her doctrine about me–repeated again and again.
A year later, I echoed that same phrase to my new fitness trainer. After a session, he gently corrected me: “You are connected to your body — we’ll just work together to expand the vocabulary you use when you speak to it.”
That reframe landed. It showed me how easily I had absorbed a belief that was never mine to begin with. My friend’s repetition never felt like the truth at the moment it was delivered, but over time, I began to adopt her words as my own. I had been subconsciously influenced.
The language we use — especially in vulnerable moments — matters. A single phrase can become an identity, not because it’s true, but because it’s repeated by those we trust. My trainer’s language invited expansion, not limitation. It gave me permission to grow without denying where I am.
Later, I shared this realization with G. He wasn’t surprised. He reminded me: I’m not disconnected — I just think I’m not as connected as I want to be. I’m chasing a “more is better” mindset instead of accepting that right now is good enough. That’s a different kind of internal fight, one I’ll face another day, but still, another thread pulled loose from the sweater… unlearning always hits deep when it hits.
Then I realized: I do the same thing to my inner circle. I reduce complex people to simplified truths. That sorting — black and white thinking — can feel like a connection, but when it becomes the only lens I use, it distorts who they really are.
Observation
Inner Circle = I tend to sort their feedback into absolutes, black or white.
Self = I allow nuance. I’m comfortable navigating the grey.
I give myself room to be complex. It’s time to offer that same grace to others.
Reframe
I recognize how easily I internalize the momentary reflections of those I trust, often treating them as absolute truths. Their words carry weight — but with awareness, I can pause and ask: Is this my truth, or theirs?
And just as importantly, I see how my words may carry unexpected power for the people I love. A passing comment can stay with someone longer than I realize.
Connection isn’t about certainty. It’s about staying present with who someone is becoming — including myself.
I want to make space for that evolution — in me, and in those I love.
Continued in Part 2.
