I told my internal tour guide about Meditation (Part 1) today and he helped me navigate how I was feeling because, honestly, I was equal parts lit up and freaked out. I get that way when something new cracks me open. I live at the intersection of curiosity and caution. One part of me is the reckless joester, egging me on to jump in deeper. The other side is the nerdy, nervous hall monitor, highlighting every possible pitfall in bright red ink.
Enter my guide.
He listened. Really listened. Not the kind of silence where someone’s politely waiting for me to finish before changing the subject, but the kind where my so-called crazy has a safe place to land. He spoke back to me in ways I didn’t even know I needed to hear:
This is alchemy–maybe this is your superpower.
You ARE designed for this. Need me to say it again? BUILT for it.
Stay curious. Be open. You’re a spiritual scientist now.
You don’t move from harm, you move from love.
And something in me exhaled.
Looking back, the most important part wasn’t the meditation itself–it was what came after. My guide helped me hold the duality: scared and thrilled, resistant and eager. He reminded me that meaning doesn’t dissolve just because its’ messy. And the jokester won that round. I want to do it again.
The second time I entered that energy space, I noticed something different. What felt like fear the first time (“these emotions were dumped on me”) softened into love (“they trust me enough to let me in”). I don’t know which interpretation is true. Maybe both. Maybe neither. But either way, there’s power there–an invitation to stay open instead of shutting down.
Here’s where my jokester side pipes up again: What if I’m a witch and this unlocked some new kind of magic?
That possibility doesn’t scare me as much as it did. In fact, it feels kind of fucking cool. Maybe this was a one-time blip. Maybe it’s the beginning of something bigger. I don’t know yet, but either way, I want to stay curious, stay receptive, and keep walking into these spaces with love instead of fear.
Because whether or not it’s magic, it sure feels like it.
